Privacy International
Stupid Security Contest
Most Annoying Security Measures
Nomination 22
In brief:I had two butane lighters - one disposable and functional (permitted by the TSA) and the other - refillable and non-functional (confiscated by the clowns at the TSA!)The details:
Christmas Day, San Francisco International Airport.
My wife, 2 children and I had flown from Dulles, Washington DC into San Francisco, where we were to change planes and continue on to Los Angeles.
We had a two hour lay-over after our four hour flight, and as a smoker [gasp!] I was ready for a cigarette. Of course, in Politically Correct San Francisco, the ONLY place one can smoke is outside the terminal, beyond the security checkpoint.
After standing outside along with my fellow social pariahs (smokers) I returned to stand in the long line at the "security" station. When my turn came, I placed the only metallic objects on my person in the scanner tray, keys, loose change, and two cigarette lighters - one was a Bic butane (disposable), and the other was a refillable butane lighter: brushed aluminum and bearing the logo of the Mirage Casino - (a gift from my wife).
When the "security" personnel saw the contents of the tray, I was immediately called aside, and a "supervisor" was summoned:
He picked up the refillable lighter and said "This lighter is not permitted."
"What about the other lighter?" I asked, referring to the Bic disposable.
"It's ok", but you can't take the refillable one" he said.
"This is ridiculous, they're both just butane lighters, either both should be permitted, or neither!" I said.
"Refillable lighters are not permitted", he said, offering no explanation (as if there could possibly BE a rational explanation).
He then handed me an envelope, directed me to an exit, and told me that I could go to the post office and mail the lighter to myself - but I would NOT be able to pass the checkpoint with that lighter.
I had no intention of mailing that lighter to myself, so I went outside and lit the lighter, allowing it to burn until it was completely drained of butane. I then returned to stand in line (again), intending to pass by a different screener in the hopes that the previous incident was a fluke.
No such luck. I was again called aside, and again the lighter was in the hands of that same "security" supervisor.
"It's empty now," I said, "I burned all of the gas out of it. It's now just another lump of aluminum".
"It doesn't matter" he said, "this lighter is a prohibited item. Either mail it to yourself, or we will confiscate it".
By this time I was very frustrated.
"Keep the damn lighter then!" I told him, and walked over to join my family, who were waiting in an airport restaurant.
I then got my cell phone from my wife, and calling 411, got the number for the chief of security at the airport, but it was Christmas day, and no one answered the call. I left a rather nasty message on the voicemail, detailing what had happened, and threatening to write a scathing letter to the editor of the SF Chronicle.
I then decided to try a different approach, and asked the "security" supervisor if I could speak with whoever was in charge of "security" operations in the terminal. He summoned his boss, and I again explained the situation to HER.
"The lighter is empty. Try to light it, it won't light" I told her.
"It doesn't matter", she said "even when the lighter is empty, there might still be some fluid on the cotton".
"On the COTTON???" I asked. "Butane is a GAS, not a liquid! There IS NO COTTON IN THIS LIGHTER!! It's exactly the same as this Bic, the only difference is you can't refill the Bic!"
It was to no avail. Both of these Federally trained "security experts" were utterly determined to remain stubbornly STUPID. So I wrote down their names, and left - leaving my lighter behind (but of course, I was STILL allowed to keep my perfectly functional Bic disposable!)
The following day I reached the chief of security at SF international, who told me that the lighter shouldn't have been confiscated, and if I would provide a description to him, he would make every effort to get it back for me. I told him that the lighter was brushed aluminum, silver in color, and bore the logo of the Mirage Casino.
Much to my surprise, a few days later a package arrived in the mail containing a refillable butane lighter - a BLACK and GOLD lighter bearing the logo of the Mirage Casino!
This wasn't my lighter! What are the odds that they would have confiscated TWO Mirage lighters? How many of these perfectly permissible items had these clowns confiscated???
The aim of terrorists is to terrorize the populace, to disrupt our daily lives, make us live in fear and curtail our freedoms.
It appears that they have succeeded quite admirably.
We have surrendered. We have lost.
Nomination 25
My family took a 7-Day Mexican Cruise on the Princess Star last November 2002. We were told that because of 9/11; they now issue all passengers a "security" card along with taking everyone's picture. Every time you embarked/disembarked you were required to insert your card into the slot of a wooden-box (yes, made of wood!). There would be a beep-sound, as a crew-member viewed a TV monitor. (NOTE: Passengers could never see the TV monitor's screen).
Since my daughters (7 & 3) are "independent" -- they insisted on inserting their own card themselves. While my 7 year old could read the sign on "how to properly insert your card" my 3 year old could not. She would insert her security card upside down and/or backwards -- yet it would always beep, allowing her to board.
One time as we returned, my youngest daughter accidentally grabbed my Visa card and inserted that instead of her "security" card...to our surprise the system "beeped" -- the person watching the TV Monitor said nothing, and we all boarded the ship!
Nomination 27
On 10/1/2001 I flew for the first time after 9/11. I travelled from Logan Airport to Philly to Munich on US Airways.
I was in first class the whole way. I was served drinks in real glass, food on china plates and had metal cutlery except for a plastic knife. How silly. A plastic knife. If I wanted to threaten anyone, the fork would do. As would a broken shard of the plate or glass. Frankly, my pen is more dangerous than the metal knives they used to use. This practice continues to this day (having flown this route most recently in Feb. 2003).
Worse yet, on this most recent trip, for the second time in my flights since 9/11, the flight crew had no cork screws on one leg of the flight as they had been confiscated by security. Now there is a dangerous weapon! You can do more damage with the full bottle than the cork screw! But the metal forks came in handy as a substitute for the missing corkscrews!
Nomination 30
I have always wondered why Airlines won't accept credit cards unless the billing address is in the country in which you wish to purchase a ticket.
Last time I was in San Francisco I wanted to book a flight to LA. I rang US airlines and got to the final stage of giving my details only to be told I couldn't because my billing address was in the UK.
Instead I walked into an agency and bought my ticket with $200 in cash.
I'm sure that's giving terrorists sleepless nights.
Nomination 35
Surely the greatest example of stupid security is the I-94W Visa Waiver form required by non-US citizens from 'friendly countries' to enter the US without a visa. Within this form you must answer a list of yes/no questions including the following: Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any reason other than minor traffic offenses, and/or have the intention of violating the law in U.S.? Have you ever participated in any way in terrorist activities or activities related to the overthrow of the U.S. Government by force? Are you a drug user, addict or have trafficked or assisted in trafficking illegal drugs (controlled substances)? Between 1933 and 1945 were you in any way involved in the persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies? Is the INS attempting to trap Nazi war criminals or terrorists off-guard, tired after a long flight, hoping they'll accidentally confess? - "Hitler alive and caught - ticks 'yes, I am a Nazi war criminal' on visa waiver form" Or if they can't secure a conviction for a terrorist, at least they can charge them with something - "Osama bin Laden fined for misleading information on INS form."
Nomination 36
Dick Clark's American Bandstand Grill at Newark Airport (USAirways gates) is not allowed to provide plastic knives to cut your favorite breakfast meat or spread butter due to security concerns. "Ouch you poked me with a plastic knife." "Ouch, don't do that." "Ouch, OK where do you want me to crash this plane and emoliate myself and all my passengers? Anything is better than being tortured with that plastic knife!"
Nomination 41
The Hoyts Cinema chain of movie theaters in the northeast of the US -- many of them located in shopping mall complexes like the ones we have here in Syracuse -- finally found a way of keeping the homemade popcorn and other treats from being smuggled into their theaters and forcing patrons to buy the outrageously expensive alternatives at their own counters. They tied their policy to terrorist threats! Very soon after 9/11/01, the president of Hoyts Cinemas Corporation, Terry Moriarity, banned carrying any kinds of bags into their theaters (I guess including the ones patrons would have acquired while shopping at the mall itself). The statement they have posted at all their theaters reads:
"To ensure the safety of our patrons and employees, effective immediately, no backpacks, shopping bags, oversized purses, or other packages will be allowed into the theatre. There are no exceptions to this policy. We appreciate your cooperation and understanding."
The entire press release for this exercise in corporate doublespeak can be found online at
http://www.hoyts.com/hoyts_press_20011107.asp
Can't you see it? Movie theaters in the middle of America as the targets of Al-Qaeda! Attacks planned in the barren hills of eastern Afghanistan and western Pakistan!